I remember reading of others spiritual awakenings. I always wondered what it was like. I envisioned something like having an epiphany. As in one day, just waking up and realizing ones purpose and understanding life, but when it happened to me, it was far from a pleasant experience. It wasn’t as pretty as I thought it would be. Perhaps it was because of the emotional and mental chaos that was taking place. The most beautiful things are birthed in mayhem.
I remember the confusion. I remember the doubt the fear and the negative thoughts I pressed onto myself for years by tbe views of society. I remember being torn away from the comfort zone of my past. Staying somewhere that allowed me to blend in and keep under the radar while avoiding the disconnection from what was supposed to be my spiritual relationship with “God”. Denial. I remember questioning the Divine. “Why am I even at a place of question if I shall not question you?” It had gone far enough.
“And then E Y E woke up” -Tiffany Parker
Reflection, Realization, Clarity and Acceptance became the light at the end of what felt like a living hell in a long dark tunnel.
As my thoughts and feelings about life and spirituality changed, so did my experiences. My thoughts and intentions in life became more of my own. I had been at such a deep state of depression that I realized, “I don’t have to be sad, I don’t have to be angry.” No one tells us how to feel why, or when, we just do. When we do, depending on the energy our intentions put forth into the universe is what comes back to us. Its not what you do its how you do it. I can become swamped with life’s lemons but I can choose to take every lemon and use them as seeds of optimism. Planting a harvest that shall multiply and be fruitful in my favor. Or I can become buried and produce nothing but the weight of negativity.
I realized that god the divine is only going to mean something to me if I build my relationship in a way that is most genuine to what I feel and experience. I realized that reality is subjective, constructed by the influence of the human emotions thoughts and actions. With that came a whole new approach into the spiritual world and the work I began doing on and within myself. Now I help others through sharing my own personal battles that led me here today. Even ones own testimony can help in preparing a process to healing and evolving. Until next time.