Dear Journal

If there were ever a time to hate my self, it would be when I consciously put myself in situations that cause me to feel worthless. Why must I do things I know I’ll kick myself for later? Like giving away pieces of myself to guys who I have no spiritual connection to. I always know how its going to end, yet I fall weak to the flesh every time.

I always feel like shit afterwards. Then I force myself to remember that I knew what I was doing from the beginning. Knowing that I am on a journey to self healing and love. If there was ever a time to hate myself, it would be never, especially when the reason I feel this way is because of me. Rule 1 , be intentional, with every decision I make, every word I speak and every action I take. I took this oath upon starting this spiritual journey.

Secondly my happiness is in my own hands, at any point and time am I unhappy it is because I choose to be. Happiness is a choice and although life happens we have to know when to pick up the pieces and keep pushing. We also need to know what deserves our tears and what doesn’t. So I guess I should spend more time loving me and making me happy so that I don’t look for it in others.

Mistake noted

lesson learned